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Phrases I Use

Sunday, May 10, 2009 - Me

I tend to get stuck using the same phrases without realizing it over and over. Sometimes, I have no idea how I began using a particular phrase.  Other times, I know exactly where the phrase came from.

  1. it’s not even close to being funny
  2. beyond funny
  3. Don’t die!
  4. Hey, kitten-cat.  Where’s it hittin’ at?
  5. Hey my ducks who likes to ****s!
  6. Bite me!
  7. brick, brick

There are probably countless others that I just can’t think of right now.  You know how it is when you start thinking about something and you suddenly can’t remember any decent examples?!  That’s what I’m dealing with now!

Anyways, the first two phrases I mostly use while talking to people online.  I don’t know why I started using them, but I’ve been using them for a while and they’ve started bothering me even though I can’t seem to stop!  The first one obviously means that whatever it was wasn’t funny and the second one means that it was ridiculously funny.  The third phrase is a bit odd and probably does need an explanation.  First, I have a very vivid imagination and a somewhat morbid sense of humor.  Second, my dreams tend to be very vivid and I often dream the same thing for months on end.  Lately, I’ve been dreaming that my immediate family is dead.

I can practically feel the looks of “Oh my God, you’re a psychopath!” through the internet.  :-p

I don’t necessarily see them die or even really dream about their deaths, they are simply dead.  In a few of the dreams a cop has delivered the news that they died in a car crash, but usually my dreams are already past that point.  I’ve taken to telling some members of my family, “don’t die,” whenever they leave the house.

The fourth and fifth phrases have to do with my animals.  I like for my pets to think that I’m cool.  I’m not, but they don’t need to know that!  Whenever I get home and see MidNite (my poor, almost bald, absolutely adorable cat) I say, “Hey, kitten-cat.  Where’s it hittin’ at?”  It used to just be “hey cat” or “hey kitten” until I combined them to “hey kitten-cat!”  I also usually ask him what’s up, but “where’s it hittin’ at” rhymed with “kitten-cat” and made me giggle.  So, my cat probably doesn’t think I’m cool, but it’s okay.

As for the ducks’ greeting, I don’t actually say all of it out loud; I stop after “ducks” and say the rest of it in my head.  Suffice it to say that their greeting rhymes as well and that it’s also quite true!  I know that it’s grammatically incorrect, but it’s soo funny!

Um, I would assume that “bite me” is pretty self-explanatory, but for those of you who are unaware, I’ll explain.  I think the coolest thing in the world is to have people bite me, so I randomly wander the streets holding out an arm or tipping my head to the side to provide easy access to my neck and then I ask strangers to bite me.  Last time some nice lady even let her dog bite me!!  I was so excited!!!  :-D

Do I admit that I’m hoping to meet a live vampire just like Edward now, or is it too soon to prove that I really am insane?!

Okay, really though, I say “bite me” when I don’t feel like thinking of a real insult or when I know the person I’m telling it to will have something funny to say.  Sometimes, depending on who I’m talking to, I’ll say, “Go bite insert random person neither of us like here” or I tell them to bite certain parts of their own anatomy.  It’s juvenile, I know, but if we can’t be immature some of the time then life isn’t worth living!

Now my last example will make a lot of sense after I explain it.  It will even seem somewhat normal!  Have you ever seen those ridiculous girls who drop hint after hint to their husbands and boyfriends about what presents they want?  Well, I don’t do that, I think it’s stupid.  If I want something specific, I don’t waste my time hinting at it, I just say, “This is what I want.”  Some guys, however, are so used to moronic hints that even my saying exactly what I want doesn’t quite do the job because they think that I’m telling them the worst present that I would be willing to accept.  I used to say, “I’m going to tell you exactly what I want.  I want insert object.  Hint, hint.”  That tends to work a little better for most guys.  One guy, however, was so dense that I told him that I felt I should be throwing bricks at his head to get him to understand what I wanted.  After that I got into the habit of saying “brick, brick” whenever I wanted something.

That last paragraph makes me sound like I’m expecting presents from guys constantly, which isn’t true.  I use “brick, brick” on everyone and usually not when asking for presents or anything.  In fact, I seldom ask for presents unless it’s my birthday or something.  {Psst! My birthday was last month and I didn’t get anything from anyone! I’m so disappointed!} I use “brick, brick” most often when trying to get someone realize that what I’ve said really is what I mean.

So, I didn’t really plan to write about what my phrases meant.  I meant to actually complain about stupid phrases other people use, but I didn’t feel like doing that after explaining my own phrases.  Maybe I’ll do that next time, though.

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Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
Bruises!
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