Last night was my cousin’s wedding. It was beautiful and as soon as I get around to looking at the pictures that were taken with my camera, I’ll be putting them up! :-D
Most people have a basic understanding of what goes on during the wedding celebration. (The ceremony, the greeting, the pictures, the party/reception!) Naturally they play lots of love songs during wedding receptions. Don’t get me wrong, I love love songs! They’re probably my favorite type of song! However, I’m the type of person who rarely stops thinking. So when Keith Urban’s “Making Memories of Us” came on and I was singing with it, I began thinking about trust.
I’m fairly certain that this is what I wanted to write about last night, but couldn’t because I was trashed! And I didn’t even get trashed at the reception. I only had a couple glasses of wine there. I fixed me a Jack and Coke when I got home. ;-)
Anyways, for those who don’t know the song, you can listen to a very low quality version of it right here:
And these are the specific lyrics that set me thinking about trust:
And I’m gonna love you, Like nobody loves you, And I’ll earn your trust making memories of us.
It’s a beautiful song and so sweet, but to me and my overly analytical mind it raises the question of, “Why does he have to earn her trust?!”
Let’s break this down into categories of people:
- people you don’t know (ie: random strangers off the street)
- people you know by association (ie: friend of a friend, when you pass them in a store they look vaguely familiar)
- people you know (ie: friends or enemies)
- extended family (ie: grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins)
- immediate family (ie: spouse, mom, dad, siblings, children)
So, that’s five categories of people. Odds are, you trust every single person you know to one extent or another. Hmm, I think we need a definition. I probably should have done this first.
- reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence
- confident expectation of something; hope
- firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing
Most people seem to think that trust is only positive, but that’s not necessarily accurate. For example, I trust that Patrick (my lying, cheating ex-fiance) is still lying to the girls that he cheated on me with and I also trust that he’s slick enough to make them believe him.
Trust is normally used in the positive sense, however, that second definition says “confident expectation of something.” That something can be good or bad. I trust that Jaime is always going to be in my life and will always be there for me. I trust that he knows the same of me!
We’re going to go over how most people trust each category of people.
People You Don’t Know
As a basic rule, you trust the average person not to attack you in broad daylight. You also trust that they won’t start shooting everyone in sight. You may always keep in mind that it’s possible, but if you’re out amongst strangers, then you trust that the odds of that happening are pretty low.
People You Know by Association
This is a little different. You’ve had some interaction with the people that fall in this category, but not enough to make much of an impression. You may totally hate some of these people for no real reason at all or because of things you’ve heard people say about them. Usually, though, provided that you haven’t heard stories to the contrary, you trust that these people will behave in the same basic way that they behave when you see them with your friend.
I trust that Jaime’s sister isn’t going to kill me in my sleep. I don’t actually know her well enough to know this for a fact, but based on what Jaime has told me and what I’ve observed the few times I’ve interacted with her, I feel pretty confident in that trust.
People You Know
With your friends, obviously you trust them to keep your secrets, to not talk bad about you behind your back, and to back you up in whatever situation you may find yourself in! With your enemies, however, you trust them to continue doing all the same things they’ve always done that have made them your enemy.
Patrick and I were together for a long time and I positively trusted him with almost everything. However, he cheated on me. The first time it happened he promised that it was just a one time mistake and because I positively trusted him so much, I believed him. However, he had damaged that trust. The second time he cheated on me, it was with a different girl and I wasn’t so quick to believe his lies. He swore that he hadn’t done anything, that they were just friends and she wanted to be more. Again, the trust was damaged, but held. Over time, my trust in him flipped completely as he continued cheating and continued lying. Now I trust Patrick to say or do anything to get away with whatever lie is coming out of his mouth at any given moment and I trust that almost everything he says (especially when he says he’s telling the truth) is a lie.
Extended family is difficult. Depending on how close your family is, you may have little or no relationship with these people. But then again, you may have a very close-knit family and have regular get-togethers with second- and third-cousins!
Extended family probably shouldn’t be a category on it’s own, really, but I didn’t want to lump it with immediate family. Essentially, when it comes to your extended family, choose where each individual would go in the other categories and let that be that.
This obviously depends on your family life, but I think it’s safe to assume that in most families, you can trust that your parents will usually try to do what’s best for you.
I, personally, trust that my parents will do their best not to have a favorite, even though I think they both fail obviously and consistently. Jaime, however, trusts that his mother will always be a manipulative bitch.
So, if we already trust everyone, why does Keith Urban have to earn some girl’s trust?!
Simple!! The more you know about someone, the more you trust them. Again, this can be a negative or positive trust! I know Jaime better than I know most members of my family and I know that he knows me better than anyone else in the world! I trust him with my life! If for some reason he wanted to play William Tell and shoot an apple off my head, I wouldn’t question his shooting skills. I would ask where the apple was and where he wanted me to stand! And while I’m fairly positive that Jaime wouldn’t be quite so comfortable with me shooting at apples on his head, he trusts me enough to know that I wouldn’t ask him to let me do something that potentially fatal if I really couldn’t do it!
I have always trusted Jaime, but the longer I know him, the more I trust him. With the simple act of not betraying my trust in him, he earns more trust.
The same holds true for enemies. Patrick consistently did things that reinforced my negative trust in him. It would take a lot of work and a whole lot of proof before I would ever consider positively trusting him again. However, because of the extremes of my negative trust in him, he would never be able to fully earn any positive trust.
Hmm, well, I’m sure I didn’t cover everything all that well, but I’m done for now. Hopefully it makes sense!! And I may have to revisit this topic another time!