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Human Training – Part 1

Sunday, November 01, 2009 - Feline Features

Greetings, kittens.  Welcome to part one of my informational “Human Training” series.

Now, to be honest, the title is a bit misleading.  I will not be providing step-by-step instructions on how to train your human, merely informing you of certain things that you can do in order to assert your dominance over your human servants.

Mind Control:

First things first, you need to get in the right state of mind.  Always remember that you are NOT a dog!  You should not ever run after your human or beg for attention.  Your human does not own you – you own them!  Your human knows this, even if you do not.  However, humans are strange when it comes to cross-species interaction and they tend to forget that they are not always the superior species.  This is often the case during feline-human interactions.  So long as you remember that you are the superior, you will encounter fewer problems with your human.

Territory – Bed:

Humans place a lot of significance on who sleeps in their bed.  Most humans only allow one other human to sleep in their beds, while other humans are less discerning to the point that you would think their bed is an amusement park ride.  Whichever type of human you have, though, the importance of establishing their bed as your domain is a key part of their training.  I have found that the easiest way to establish the bed as your own is to simply treat it as though it already is yours.  When you walk into the bedroom, get on your bed, find the softest spot – preferably the spot in the middle – and get comfortable.  Take a nap in your bed regardless of any surrounding activities.  This, more than anything, tells your human that the bed belongs to you.  If you are having trouble claiming the bed, get into the center of the bed, stretch out to your fullest without sacrificing mobility, and glare at anyone who comes within range.  At this time, do not allow any humans to pet you or other species to be friendly.

This is all for now.  I would like to take this time to point out that your humans are not your enemies and you should not be cruel to them.  Think of them as your trusted servants and treat them as such.  I got lucky when I acquired my human.  She needed very little training and even now, when she is asleep in the bed while I type this, she is curled all the way to one side of my bed leaving my favorite center section empty for me.  Yes, I have a very good human.  I think I will reward her by waking her up and allowing her to scratch behind my ears and under my chin now.

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