I feel kind of weird saying this, but…
I’m scared about how close my wedding is.
I’m not scared to get married. As far as my heart is concerned, I’ve been married to Jaime since I was fifteen years old.
I’m not scared to spend the rest of my life with Jaime.
I’m not scared to “lose myself and identity” as one person put it when she found out that I was taking Jaime’s last name.
No, I’m not scared of any of those things.
What I am scared about is that something bad will happen before the wedding that will screw up our plans somehow.
Some of the people that I’ve mentioned this to have laughed at me and said that I was getting cold feet. The fact remains, though, that I seem to have awful luck and that whenever I’m happy something happens to threaten that happiness.
I’ve been told that I’m paranoid, delusional, and all sorts of things.
If you know me, then just look at my past. I’m not delusional or paranoid, but I am capable of seeing a pattern.
I’m hoping, in part, that posting about this will preclude the “something bad” that I’m worried about. I’m also hoping that nothing comes of this fear.