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Hot as BALLS!

Friday, August 05, 2011 - Me, Rant
Hot as BALLS!

Yesterday I was having this conversation with one of the imaginary voices in my head —

Wait, the imaginary voice in your head?

Well, yes.  If I had real voices in my head I would be committed.  Anyways, while I —

Why in the world would you want to imagine voices in your head?!

Oh shut up.  You’re just a voice in my head, too!  I thought you would know that.  O_o  Anyways, stop interrupting me!  As I was saying, I was having a conversation with one of my imaginary head voices yesterday about my day.

Head Voice:  How was your day today?

Me:  Hot, nasty, sweaty, and stinky!

HV:  Sounds like you had a lot of —

Me:  NO!  Don’t say that!  That’s gross and I didn’t.

HV:  Okay, chill out!  So what did you do to get nasty, sweaty, and stinky?

Me:  I went to the store and did some laundry.

HV:  That’s it?!  Are you sure you weren’t doing other stuff?

Me:  It has been hotter than Satan’s ballsack for too many days and today was no different!  I thought I was going to melt into a freaking puddle!  I stepped out of the house and was instantly drenched in sweat because of how hot it is.

HV:  That’s crazy!  Why did you leave the kitchen?

Me:  What?  Stop pretending to be Jaime.  I had to go return the couch throw that didn’t actually fit the couch.  I also had to get some more cat food, put gas in the car, get my inspection sticker, and since I was already hot and nasty I stopped at the Goodwill store and got twenty books for $6.98 which is fantastic!

HV:  You bought more books?  What is wrong with you?!

Me:  Okay, Jaime, you can stop bitching now.

HV:  Stop calling me Jaime.

Me:  Stop acting like him.

HV:  I’m not acting like him —

Well, I’m sure you can imaging how the rest of the conversation went.  It got kind of tedious, though, once he gave me the silent treatment.  He’s such a drama-queen.

As you can see, though, yesterday was nasty hot.  We’ve been under heat watches, advisories, and warnings for the past three or four days.  It’s depressing and tiring and just plain nasty.  I feel like I stink as soon as I walk out the door.

Heat Wave

Heat Wave

I hate summer.

Bring back the winter.

Please…

Someone…

Anyone…

DON’T IGNORE ME, DAMN YOU!

Oh wait.  Haha!  There’s no one out there to control this stuff.  My bad.  I was just screaming for fun, honest.  ;-)

Seriously, though, I hate summer.  It’s the worst time of the year even without these ridiculous heat waves.  Luckily my husband is the best husband in the world and he likes to keep the house cool so I can usually hide inside and be safe from the nasty weather outside.

Be cool, stay inside!

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